she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
