I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hippo gnu deer
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
