Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize