So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize