I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a search helicopter?!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize