we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
