You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
