ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
