a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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