At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
