Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize