I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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