bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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