It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
