started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
