TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
