This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
