i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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