I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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