She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
