i just google imaged poop.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
