I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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