fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
