I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
