My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
