I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
