Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
