I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
