it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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