piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
