Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
