i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
