I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
