Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
