dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
