he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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