Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
