Having a random hookup so left but love u
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
