I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
