Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize