And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
