it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
