the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize