He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
