remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
