Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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