I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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