I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
