Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
