so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
