Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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