His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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