One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize