is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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