I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
