whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
