apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
