Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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