if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
