Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
