Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
