her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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