My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
