Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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