That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
