I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize