pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
