Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
